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What Spongebog Squarepants Can Teach Us About Good Governance of Society
Note: The spelling/grammar errors in this pasta are intentional. Please don't edit them out. When I was in elementary school, I loved Spongebog Squarepants. I was also lucky to be a kid in the early 2000s, before the show started going downhill circa 2006. I know many parents didn't want their kids watching the show because it was nonsensical and mindless and the characters sounded re***rded. But that was the point, it was wholesome in its own nihilistic way. As a kid in the 2000s there was nothing like escaping from the environment of school to a fun world where actions didn't have lasting consequences and society's obsession with rules and productivity was put in relief. Unless you were homeschooled, in which case I don't know. I have a theory for how Bikini Bottom came to be. Now to be clear I know it doesn't make sense scientifically, but this is a show. In the mid-19th century, the United States conducted several underwater nuclear tests at the Bikini Atoll. The radiation mutated the local marine life into sapient creatures. Horrified by the cold war, these sea creatures formed a peaceful community that rejected war, although not all violence. Bikini Bottom became an official protectorate of the United States in 1995 and is protected by the Navy, as alluded to in lines like "not the Navy!" Time also works differently in Bikini Bottom and is somewhat cyclical as opposed to linear, which is why the characters don't age. The historical ages like the medieval and caveman days that sometimes appear in episodes are the result of thousands of years passing in Bikini Bottom within just a couple of our decades. But this is not primarily about all that. This is about what I believe to be the political philosophy of Spongebog Squarepants. Before I begin I'd like to say that this is not just another "theory" piece. I'm not going to make stupid points like "hur durr Patrick is a red star so he's a communist. Hurr dur Spongebog is yellow so he supports AnCap". This is a well-researched thesis on what I believe the creators are trying to convey with their episodes. But what is Bikini Bottom, exactly? Are they a republic? Well, they rely on the US for military support and use US currency, so not exactly? Are they a tribe? Not really. You could call it a city or city-state, but even that doesn't really fit. The only terms that really fit are that Biniki Bottom is a "community" or a "society". This vagueness is a good thing because it allows the viewer to focus not on the minutia of things like borders and diplomacy, but rather the abstract concepts that govern civilization itself. The Spongebog Squarepants Wiki states: "Bikini Bottom's government, although uncertain, is set up just as it would be in the real world. There were many rulers and royalty though, so it would be a monarchy, such as King Krabs, Princess Pearl, King Neptune, Mindy, and even Plankton. The Flag of Bikini Bottom, as seen in front of the courthouse, is a clamshell with an anchor on a white field. In the episode, "Good Neighbors," Bikini Bottom is mentioned to have a president, so it would be a republic, and a mayor is seen in several episodes. But in the episode, "Rule of Dumb," Patrick Star became King Patrick and was a king for a short time. It was revealed later that the true king was Gary the Snail. It was then a monarchy again. Bikini Bottom could also be part of a larger entity, perhaps in a nation or province (or both) bearing the same name, so there could essentially be a president, king, and mayor of Bikini Bottom. In comparison to American cities, Bikini Bottom appears to lean more liberal." Well, with all due respect to the fine users over at Spongebob wiki, this passage misses the point, although the information mentioned is important, which I'll get to in a moment. When watching Spongebob, one notices that the government rarely appears in visible form and seems to have little impact on resident's lives. Some might think this means the show supports libertarianism or AnCap, but hold your horses. Because the one big exception is that the police appear in episodes quite often. What more, the copper bosses of Bikini Bottom can be quite overbearing and capricious. However, they do not have guns. You could argue that guns wouldn't work underwater (even though they would and the series never cared about physics underwater anyway) but they don't even have harpoons or anything except their standard-issue batons. The show demonstrates that police for the most part are basically good people but they can make mistakes and for the good of themselves and society they should be armed only with non-lethal weapons. Biniki Bottom also has a mayor, but he appears not very often. There have also been at least two mayors shown throughout the show, suggesting that mayors serve limited terms. However, no elections are ever shown and politics as such seems to be of little interest to the commoners of Bikini Bottom. It is possible that mayors appoint their own successors, which is how Spongebob became Mayor of New Kelp City in that one episode. This would make sense if the show is about what I think it's about. No legislative body is ever mentioned in the show. There is a court, but it serves as mainly a system for criminal justice and tort adjudication, rather than having any role in constitutional interpretation. The court is known to hand out harsh sentences for petty crimes and has less due process than US courts. The highest authority seems to be the mayor, who controls the police force. As I have mentioned, mayors probably appoint their own successors. And yet I believe the creators of Spongebob Squarepants also reject monarchy. Some intellectuals, such as the Mad Monarchist, have advocated a return to monarchy. The episode "King Patrick" shows why this would be a bad idea. In the episode, a party of restorationists declare Patrick to the be the heir of the old Bikini Bottom dynasty. This causes Patrick to become a petty tyrant until his friends convince him to abdicate. Notice that the episode does involve revolution or regicide. The show opposes monarchy, but not at the cost of violence, and it regards monarchy as being bad because being a monarch corrupts a person, not the other way around I.E. not because monarchs are just bad people. With all these facts in mind, I believe the Spongebob vision for an ideal governance of society is based on these pillars: Reactionary Values: Although the creators of the show diverge with the Mad Monarchist on the value of monarchy, they do seem to at least agree with him that untempered republicanism is destructive. Politics moves at a slow pace in Bikini Bottom, and the mayor is not elected. The police are allowed to do their job and are kept in check by not arming them with lethal weapons, not by putting them in fear of being decommissioned and sued at the slightest breach of ethics. Tyrannical monarchs and corrupt politicians are removed peaceably, and even the comedic mobs with torches and pitchforks that may appear a couple times in the series are quickly suppressed. Ethnic Diversity: It is clear from the variety of creatures that inhabit Bikini Bottom, including a squirrel, that the creators reject ethnostate values. Strong Crime Control: The courts are efficient, the prison is well-accommodated, and there is a heavy police presence. Military Pacifism: Biniki Bottom has no standing military of its own. Citizens and the police are called to step in whenever there is a threat such as one of Plankton's evil schemes. Natural Aristocracy: Mr. Krabs is a well respected man in Bikini Bottom. He can be a little corrupt and greedy, but he is also a pillar of society. The show respects a moderate capitalistic ethic. Subsidiarity: Despite the large constabulary, citizens of Bikini Bottom are encouraged to work out their problems between themselves, and some level of violence is even tolerated. This harks back to the middle ages and the Wild West when justice was primarily the pursuit of the wronged rather than a professional agency. You may think I'm crazy, but I believe our society should strive to emulate Bikini Bottom. Bikinin Bottom is no utopia, but consider the standard of living and crime rate there. Homicides are almost unheard of, and Spongebob and Squidward, despite being mere frycooks, live in large houses with tasteful architecture and never have to pay taxes. Sources Chickencrispies. “Location: Bikini Bottom.” Spongebob Fandom, Fandom, 15 Feb. 2017, spongebob.wikia.com/wiki/Bikini_Bottom?action=history. http://madmonarchist.blogspot.com/ Rhodes, R. (n.d.). The Twilight of the Bombs: Recent Challenges, New Dangers, and the Prospects for a World Without Nuclear Weapons. Sturlson, S. (n.d.). The Prose Edda Index. Retrieved from http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/pre/ Category:BCP Category:Pastas Category:Pretense Category:Troll pasta